Friday Date Night

My friend was in town from the West Coast and asked me to go to the Museum and dinner Friday night. I wasn’t sure to accept it as just friends hanging out and getting to know each other better, or more. So I went into Friday night with a clear mind, ready to make the best of whatever was to follow.
I’m pretty sure it was a date. We never had an awkward moment, like the waiter didn’t ask if we were together or separate. I always hate when that happens. It’s happened a few times where neither of us want to say. Oh, and he paid for everything, wouldn’t let me pay a cent. One thing I always enjoyed about our friendship is that we dive into deep philosophical questions without trying. Or we aren’t afraid to ask each other personal questions. Though, keep in mind, we aren’t even that close. Like he’s a good friends friend and was only around here for a hot minute before skipping town again. Like one time, it was his last night before moving out west, and he posted on Facebook that he’d be at the coffee shop if anyone wanted to hang. I don’t know if anyone showed up. But I did without letting him know. And the first minute was silent, just sipping our coffee. Then I asked if he was scared. We talked it out, and the one thing that stuck out was, “you have to be ready to leave. No matter where you are, even if you hate the place. You have to be ready to go. I wasn’t ready the first time around.” That has always stuck with me since then. I always ask myself if I’m ready, really ready.
But yeah I got sidetracked. In other words, we can either say a lot, or very little. And no matter how much comes out of our mouths I always feel fulfilled by our time together. It’s always warm, and calm.
Usually. Until we went to the third stop to get a second round of drinks. He kept mentioning how hot he was. Granted, he’s pretty fine. But it was like 30 degrees out and sweater/coat weather. I was toasty and feeling great. After a while, the bartender asked, “Is it hot in here?” So of course we wrote off his hotflash as normal. Ten minutes later, he wanted to go home.
He woke up that night at 4am, vomiting. I felt like crap! We went to eat dinner at the place I suggested! And he got sick! Not just that, he only had a few days left in town and was supposed to see his extended family the next day. But guess what? He didn’t because he got sick from the restaurant I suggested! Did I mention he got sick from the place I said we should eat at? I still feel so bad.
So I went over the next day with coconut water and veggie broth.
Yup. Made him sick on the first date. I must be a keeper…

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My list. What the hell is going on?

So Evangelista made me realize the other day that I now have a list of interested people. Why? I do not know.

One time, an old friend told me that personalities like us need to be careful. We are charismatic and open minded, so people automatically feel a connection with us because we don’t judge them.

That statement was confirmed when two of my close friends, The Beatle and The Mixer, both told me that they have never felt so comfortable around one of their friends. “You make us feel loved and accepted.”

Ok. So that must be it, right? My lack of judgement on people creates this idea in peoples heads that I want them for more as friends.

At this point, I’m not really sure what I want. But the list is growing….

(In the order according to my fiery red-headed friend)

0. The Pharaoh

1. Aries

2. Smitten Kitten

3. Handyman

4. The Thinker

5. The Beatle

6. The Cozy Jew

7. The Historian

What the hell just happened? Foreal.

Howdy Doody

On the phone with Ms. Irish Fire.

Me: Hey you awake? I’m coming over to get the keys.

Ms. Irish Fire: Ok I’m up!

Get to the house and go up to her room.

Me: Here’s some yogurt…(setting it down on her desk, then realizing a used condom is right next to my hand. She doesn’t notice it’s there.)

Me: Goddamit, Ms. Irish Fire. There’s a used condom. Well, there’s some yogurt. See you in a bit! (leave non-challantly)

Ms. Irish Fire: (as I walk away) Oh Goddamit! I thought I cleaned everything up!

Me: “Closed for season” my ass.

conversation with Ms. Irish Fire during a 3 hour car ride from point a to point b.

1 hour into the drive:

Me: I don’t know what he wants. I mean I do, like all men they just want to get in your pants. But he may want more.

Ms. Irish Fire: Well do you want more?

Me: No. I can’t do that right now. He’s great but I’m not ready for that. And I don’t want to just sleep with him. I can’t do that.

Ms. Irish Fire: Yeah, well. Just go with your gut feeling.

Me: Yeah I will..

1.5 hours into the drive:

Me: I don’t know, maybe something will happen. I guess I have to talk to him and see what’s up.

Ms. Irish Fire: Yeah, ask him what he wants first. It’ll give you an idea of where he is emotionally. You are going to say the same thing no matter what anyway. You aren’t ready for a relationship.

Me: I just don’t want to hurt him, but we’re already in too deep and people will be hurt. But I don’t know, maybe something will happen.

Friend: I thought you said it wouldn’t.

Me: I don’t know!

2 hours into the drive:

Ms. Irish Fire: I’m just in some kind of mood!

Me: Oh my god! Me too! I just want to make out with someone. I mean you’ll be doing that tonight won’t you? Oh dang girl! He be all up in your goody snacks!

Ms. Irish Fire: Naw I won’t be giving him my goody snacks, just making out.

Me: Yeah right…”Closed For Season” my ass. I found a condom on your desk this morning and you said you weren’t having sex!

Ms. Irish Fire: I know! That was hilarious! Goddamn!

Me: Yup! Wasn’t even surprised and I didn’t even skip a beat.

Ms. Irish Fire: I know! We’re at that point in our friendship where it doesn’t even matter anymore! You were so casual! Well I’ll be seeing The Neighbor tonight, and I swear we’ll just be making out! He asked to have sex, and I was like “Nope! You ain’t getting up on my Howdy Doody.”

Me: Howdy doody?! What the fuck? Goddamnit, the shit you come up with.

(silence)

Me: Damnet, now I’m feeling some kind of way. Goddamit.

Ms. Irish Fire: Yup, now you’ll have him all up on your howdy doody…

Me: Stop calling it that!

Ms. Irish Fire: ALLLL UP in your HOWDY DOODY!

Me: Goddamit. Making out with someone could be nice.

Ms. Irish Fire: Yup, all up in your howdy doody.

Me: Nope, not having sex with him. Maybe just making out, I mean it’s not more than we’ve already done.

2.5 hours into the drive:

Me: Goddamit! Now I’m all feeling some kind of way!

Ms. Irish Fire: Right?! Now we’re both in a mood. Howdy Doody and shit.

Me: Fuck it, why not?

Ms. Irish Fire: I thought you weren’t gonna have sex with him.

Me: Yeah but he’s hot and makes me feel some kind of way. And you have no room to talk!

Ms. Irish Fire: Um no! I told him to back off my howdy doody. Back off my howdy doody! Back off!

Me: Stop calling it that!

2.45 hours into the drive:

Me: Fuck it. I’m having sex with him.

Ms. Irish Fire: Yeah I thought so. Godammit. Howdy doody!!!

5 minutes later:

Ms. Irish Fire: (pointing at a billboard of weird looking sausages, and sounding unsure) That billboard makes me feel some kind of way.

Me: They look like dicks!

laughing

Me: Damnet, how old are we?

Ms. Irish Fire: Howdy doody! Howdy doody!

Pulling into the driveway:

Ms. Irish Fire: Notice what happened in a 3 hour span of time. You went from saying no completely, to making out and having some fun, to having sex.

Me: Fuck, you’re so right. Welp, at least I’ll enjoy it.

Get home to find our water is shut off because the water company fucked up our account.

Ms. Irish Fire: Well I need to shower, I’ll probably just go to The Neighbor’s house.

Me: So he’s gonna be all over your howdy doody?

Ms. Irish Fire: No! just making out!

Me: You’ll be naked and in the shower, you really don’t think he’ll be all up on your goody snacks?

Ms. Irish Fire: No I won’t let him!

Me: Yeah, uh huh. Well let me know how that pressure is in that shower….

awkward silence

Me: Yeah, you know the water pressure. Not his. But that’s what you were thinking so that means you’re totally having sex.

Ms. Irish Fire: No I’m not! Why don’t you believe me?!

Me: bullshit…

And now we wait and see.