I like her too much

And I think she’s pulling away.

There’s this communication theory or something like that, where when you know you’ll be leaving something or someone, even before you actually leave it or them, you begin to avoid that thing or person. It’s some defense mechanism called disassociation. If we wait until all is said and done to begin to pull away, by then it’s too hard and painful. We feel the need to be in control of that emotion.

So I think this is what’s happening. And maybe I like her too much.

Or maybe she’s bored of me. Who knows. Other priorities, other people, just other.

She just seemed so into me, then not.

I’m always the one to ask to hang out lately, and it seems like I’m a bother.
The last time I spent the night, we only kissed because I initiated it, and even then she was busy thinking about something else. Even in the morning when I said bye. No kiss. I got in my car and just cried. It sounds stupid maybe, but I’m tired of being desired by someone, then one day it all changes. I get attached and they go away. And although she hasn’t left just yet, I doubt I’m on her mind.

I have no control over anything, and I’m fine with that. I guess until I’m left feeling stupid and alone in it all. I just want to know what’s going through her mind, and what she wants.


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