I had sent him an email back in January. It’s a shame he had my explanation available to him whenever he wanted to read it. I wonder if he ever read it at all after what he said on Saturday.
Our text correspondence:
Me: Dad. I’m texting you only to tell you I can’t talk to you anymore. Not until you change. You haven’t contacted me. Which tells me you haven’t made an effort to get better. Whatever the case, I know what is really going on, as usual. I warned you in that email in january that you could lose everyone you love. You didn’t seem to take me seriously. Don’t contact me until you’ve changed for real.
My dad: I hvnt heard frm u. Ive assumed u didnt wnt to hear frm me. While things are not at best, ur mom has turned her voice frm anger to supportive. And yes i am making all effort to change. We hv had better days and i see better ahead.I wnt bother u. I respect ur call.
Wen that change comes, ull hear it frm ur mom cuz u wnt hv it frm me. But if death shud grab me b4 i ever hear frm u again know that i will invoke ur name. Because i will always love u MIJA.
I had to keep from texting back. I had to really mean what I said. I do mean what I said, I just wish he wasn’t so fucking self-centered and hard headed to we my point of view. But no, he played the victim again. And I can’t, and I won’t.
I cut my dad off completely on Saturday. And along with that comes my obsession over little tedious things. My current obsession? Cutting paper.
Whatever to keep going.