Small talk with a stranger

Stranger: hey there ladies, what you doin over there? You tubing?
Friend: no writing papers
Stranger: oh yeah, cool. Papers on what?
Friend: Shakespeare.
Me: misogyny
Stranger: oh that’s cool. I like that kind of stuff. Knowing about popes and Egyptians.
Me: those are two very different things.
Stranger: yeah, I like that stuff. So I’m just trying to make conversation while I wait for my friend who may or may not be coming. That’s a big house you have there. You have a lot of roommates?
Friend: yeah
Stranger: how about bills? How do you split them?
Me: equally
Stranger: psft, well yeah. How much does this run you? A G a month?
Me: yeah something like that
Stranger: (looking at the house like he was counting rooms. And seeing through walls) that must mean you have lots of roommates.
Me: a ton
Stranger: I mean I don’t want to get into or anything but I don’t do that technology stuff. Like pretty ladies like you should be looking at each other and smilin at each other. I don’t do that Facebook shit or whatever. You ladies haven’t talked to each other once since I’ve seen you guys.
Me: oh trust me we did plenty of that.
Stranger: oh I bet you did, I just haven’t seen it.
Me: because we don’t need to talk out loud.
Stranger: oh! You do that girl shit where you talk with your eyes! Ooooh I see
Me: (pointing at his BMW convertible) what about your car and that technology?
Stranger: well I’m selling it! You wanna help me post that shit on Craigslist? Ill give you half of it.
Me: yeah right
Stranger: “yeah right” she says! She’s given an opportunity and she doesn’t take it! By the way, you’re beautiful! Like, I’m just gonna speak my mind, you’re beautiful. (Yelling to his friend) hey homie! You ready? I was talking to your neighbors over here but they don’t seem like they want to talk. They’re all into their technology and shit. Alright.
Friend and I: (laughing and not hiding it anymore)

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