I’ll Be Fine

A few days ago I was on my way to pick up my best friend from the airport, 3 hours away. For some reason, at some odd moment in the car ride, I decided to call my dad with the intention that by the time we said our good byes, he would know I liked both women and men. So I told him, with the expectation that he would be upset or annoyed or even disown me. Instead I shed tears of relief the second he said, “you know I will always love you.”

And I thought that was going to be bad. It wasn’t at all. I think it helps being 2thousand miles away, when they realize that they actually do miss me no matter who I like.

Then last night I decided to tell my mom. Thinking I had the more difficult of the two out of the way, I felt confident. “This is a lot for me to handle right now,” she said. “Take care of yourself.” I told her I don’t know what she means. “Don’t expose yourself. You know as your mom I’ll always worry about you.”

I love you, too.

I hope she comes to realize that out of everyone in my family, I am very aware of my location. It is not “liberal” west coast, it is not the best place for people like me on many levels. I am very aware of my surroundings, and even more so aware that I am not white. Overall, not that I am going to try to hide it anymore, but my sexual orientation is something that isn’t obvious. It never has been even when I was home. Little does she know that I worry more about my safety out here because I am a woman and because I am not white. After years of dealing with that, this is easy.

I’ll be fine mom.


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